That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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