I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
