She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
