I need help removing her.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
