Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
