That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
