There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
