I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
