time to smoke my breakfast
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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