I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
