she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
