Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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