and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
