Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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