wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
