I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it glows. i had to have it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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