:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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