Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
