Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
