i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
