i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
