So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is classic penis vs brain.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
