your room smells of hookers.
And success
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
