you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i now understand why vodka
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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