ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
