Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
