Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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