I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
