He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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