Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
