I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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