Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
