Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
