you guys were way drunker than both of me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
