I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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