I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
