wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
