yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
