I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
