youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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