1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
