Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
