You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
