New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
