so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
