God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
