Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please, let me fuck your mom
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
