She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
