i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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