I'm jealous of your bromance
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
