Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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