i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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