In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
