oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
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