When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
