I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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