why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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