is your mom at the bar?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
40s are totally the cure
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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