YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
