Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
